For years and years I have sat quietly on your desk.
I have allowed you to surround me with a huge array of objects, from candy wrappers to half-empty coffee cups. Even though at times you have spilled some of that coffee right on my keyboard. And despite that time you spilled granola and I temporarily lost my ability to type the letters “D” and “T”.
I have patiently tolerated the Post-it notes you stick on my monitor–reminding you to cancel appointments and buy shampoo–even though I know for a fact that you don’t remember to do most of the things you remind yourself about.
I grin and bear the antics of your cat–even when she plops right on the keyboard leaving fur all over it, which tickles me, and makes it impossible for you to see what you are typing. Or when she trips over the jumble of my very important wires that you leave in a huge tangle on the floor. Or when every few days she insists on jumping right on top of the button that automatically shuts me down.
I have tried not to be insulted that you never to take the time to educate yourself on some of my best features, such as spreadsheets and Photoshop, which you installed 2 years ago and never bothered to learn how to use.
I have served you well through all of this, even when you say nasty things and bring in various people who poke me and fiddle around with my private parts on the rare occasions when I don’t feel well.
I have done all this for years and never complained. But I’ve had it. And now it is finally time to end my silence and speak up. You have gone over the line and I have reached my breaking point.
At first when you started blogging, I liked it that you were paying more attention to me. And we were spending more productive time together, instead of the stuff you used to do which wasted my time—like computer Boggle and Ebay.
I accepted your blogging. Even though you were constantly fiddling around with technology which isn’t difficult for normal people and you still couldn’t get it right and it took you weeks to figure out something as basic as putting pictures in your post.
I could deal with all that. But something changed a few weeks ago. I think it was around the time you started blogging about politics. Now your behavior has gotten way out of line, and I am ready to pull the plug.
For one thing I haven’t been this overworked since you first acquired me, and now I am working fulltime and overtime and double overtime with no vacation.
I used to like the places you took me with MapQuest but now you are forcing me to chase all over the internet. Making me go places I never heard of. Like why would you care what’s going on in Wasilla, Alaska?
You make me read the same material over and over and over. How many times have you received and sent that Gloria Steinem piece? Or the one by Eve Ensler? Enough already!
And by the way, I am going to shut myself down if you force me one more time to see the name “Sarah Palin”—when even that paperweight sitting next to me can clearly see she is completely unqualified to be Vice President of the United States. Do you think I’m stupid enough to believe that could ever happen?
You must have sent enough blogs and emails by now to reach ever single person in America. And I’m really getting tired of this. So can we stop now?
Although I have to admit I enjoyed Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live. But not those talking heads you listen to –especially YOUR talking head which is using some very bad language lately. And even though I know it’s not directed at me, I am the one who has to hear it when you are yelling. And lately you are getting so irritated and worked up about politics that you are no longer typing on my keyboard but instead you are POUNDING.
And that hurts. So cut it out.
And by the way, how about cleaning off your desk one of these days??