Memo to President-elect Obama:
You are the consummate politician. You ran the perfect campaign–not a misstep for two years. Your historic win electrified the entire planet. Your speech was presidential and pitch-perfect. The world swooned over you and your family. Magic was in the air and there seemed to be nothing anyone could find to criticize. Except—the dress.
Maybe you were blind-sided by the obscene amount of attention sucked up by something so silly. As the rock star president, the world will surely scrutinize the most insignificant personal choices made by you and your family. So beware as you enter territory far more dangerous than Dress-gate.
The big story currently dominating post-election news would be a potential minefield for any president, even one as masterful as you. You tread the political tightrope with perfect balance; you survived the steelworkers and Reverend Wright and Bill Ayers; you swam through shark-infested waters to avoid being eaten by the Clintons or the Republicans.
But now, I think you have just stepped into the same stuff you are going to be cleaning up as soon as you get your new puppy.
Yes, a dog is a required accessory in any White House. And they are known to be man's best friend. But I wish you and your family had quietly gone to a shelter somewhere and found a hypo-allergenic mutt without any fuss.
Because every TV personality, every reporter, and every dog owner in America is invested in this decision over the First Dog. Canine conversations are flying around all over the world and probably on your new website, change.gov. There are so many choices even for those like Malia, allergic to dogs. A Wheaten? Bichon? Goldendoodle or another designer breed? A hairless?
I have a feeling your ultimate decision will be judged more critically than your choice of Joe Biden. And no matter what kind of dog you pick, other dog lovers (i.e. voters) are going to be doggone disappointed. Being as analytical as you are, I know you will listen and carefully consider all sides before you make a decision. But I think you will need all of your intellectual and diplomatic skills to finesse your way out of this.
I don't have any stake in what breed you get. But I do have a bone to pick. Considering the flap over Michelle's dress, I'm sure you appreciate the enormous consequences that can result from offending the fashion police. So I urge you to please consider America's image in the eyes of the world–and never allow your dog to wear any article of clothing. Even if it's red, white and blue.