The school year is starting; almost 2 million kids are heading off to college for the first time—-so there’s a predictable rash of articles on the internet. How to let go and say goodbye. 9 tips for sending off a college freshman. And the one I saw in the morning paper: What every kid should know before they leave home.
I should know better. But I read it anyway.
It starts off with some promise—the first example is changing the toilet paper roll. Not a bad idea— there are grown men who haven’t yet learned this skill.
But it’s all downhill from there—–with a long list of stuff parents should teach before the kids leave home: how to iron a shirt, clean a toilet, balance a checkbook. It’s not just the tasks—there’s a bigger issue I have with this list— and with all those books on What Your 4th grader or 6th grader or Teenager Should Know. My problem is the deadlines. Like there’s a particular age when kids should have mastered certain skills. Whoa—your kid can’t set the table by age 5? Definitely not Harvard material.
Here’s the punchline: the list of chores and the right ages comes from consulting with experts….one of which turns out to be the Duggars—also in the news for expecting their 19th child. If you ask me, what should be at the top of their list to teach their kids—birth control.
Plus the Duggars don’t even specify whether the toilet paper should come from the top or the bottom. FAIL.
Seriously. Although I’m not, the article is. And maybe I don’t like reading this stuff because for me and my kids, it’s too late.
Of course, I didn’t know it was too late until it was too late.
First came the day Alli called and told me I failed as a parent —because I never taught her how to pack a suitcase. (By the way…. NOT on the list so I’m off the hook). Then there was the day she felt humiliated, when asked by her mother-in-law to make a pie crust. Pie crust isn’t on the list either, but it’s on Alli’s list of what I missed. Along with a lot more.
I failed Daniel, too. The night before he first went away to college, he came to me with a serious look. As I was gearing up for a heavy-duty parental talk on responsibility and separation and living on his own—he told me what he really wanted : to learn how to sew on a button.
Yeah, that one IS on the list. I should have taught Daniel how to use a needle and thread by age 7. Wow. I was more than 10 years overdue. I’m not sure what I was doing all those years.
I did feel better about a few things. Both of my kids can change a roll of toilet paper.
They’re also capable , resourceful and responsible young adults—-I’m reasonably sure they can do most of the stuff mentioned in the paper. The big mystery is how they learned—because there are at least 5 tasks on that list I have no idea how to do myself.
How about those Duggars? Is it possible they are really as together as the interviews make them appear? 19 children? And she still has a smile on her face. It boggles the mind.
The list has some strange things on it in my opinion. They mention sewing, ironing, cleaning dishes, cooking, but they don’t mention any yardwork or any use of tools besides a screwdriver and changing a tire(which is what AAA is for). I know how to do everything on this list because I wanted to as a kid (with the exception of making a screwdriver, but that’s because it’s not a drink I want to make.)
If your kids didn’t know all these things, I think they’re fine. And some of the ages on here are completely arbitrary and depend on the kid. It’s too bad they had to involve the “experts.” Half the time they’re just making it up as they go along.
Thank you Darryle. I know I’m not alone in the world when I read about your ‘failings’ as a parent or of the condition of your desk…that blog made me so happy when I saw the accompanying photo! I ran into V in the grocery store one day and said “she’s just like me!” Poor guy, how often do middle aged hairless women run up to him and say that?
Gail–thanks for letting me know you share at least some of my faiings and I’m not alone either. And V is a great sport about everything–after all, he’s lived with me all these years.
David–Definitely agree these lists and ages and experts are all ridiculously arbitrary—which is my whole point. I think most of us end up “making it up as we go along.”
…and as for the Duggars, Marla, you said it: it boggles the mind.
So funny about the Duggars and birth control. (At least I haven’t failed at that one; if I’ve taught my kids one word, it’s “condom”; followed immediately by their traditional comeback “Mo-om!”) My sixth grader was all excited when I picked him up after school yesterday because he learned how to sew on a button — so I’m off the hook for that one. I’m still working on the TP thing. It’s not that I haven’t tried (over and over again), they have just developed a severe case of selective hearing about this one.
My mother forwarded that article to me – I found it silly and didn’t even realize the advice came from the Duggars.
I’ve taught my kids to be independent thinkers – to make decisions – to say no when they mean no and yes when they mean yes and to make scramble eggs.
They also know what not to do. They don’t answer the door if I’m not home, they don’t flush the toilet if someone is in the shower and they don’t leave the gate open (we have dogs).
I’d say they’re set — wouldn’t you?
Susan–If your kids can sew on buttons I think they’ll master the toilet paper.
Amy–Very sensible—and you sound like a woman after my heart–who teaches kids what’s really important—independent thinking and caring about others—which I’d rate somewhere above ironing a shirt—or even knowing which way to hang the toilet paper.
Oh I do love it when you get all feisty! And those Duggars? Michelle is always smiling because she’s been lobotomized. If that’s what a fervant belief in God does, I’ll stick to my somewhat agnostic self.
Crap! Something else I screwed up!
My best friend has 11 kids… All the births were single births, none of the labors were long and all the babies were born healthy. They are the most wonderful, loving family I know. Judi and I have been friends for over 55 years!! When she was just a little girl, she used to play at my house and tell my Mother (who had a houseful of kids), “When I grow up, I am want to be just like you!”
You guys are pretty feisty yourselves.
Only, Debi–your friend has 11 kids—and no reality show?