Envy: it’s not easy being green

Instead of trying to have what you want, try to want what you have.

I  love that saying;  It sounds so nice.

But I always wanted what YOU have.

Whether it’s bigger (your bank account)

Or smaller (your waistline)

Whether you have more ( knowledge)

Or less (clutter)

When I had an exciting life with lots of drama—I felt jealous of everyone who led a quieter, simpler, more stable life.

When I had a quieter, simpler, more stable life, I envied everyone who had an exciting life with lots of drama.

That green-eyed monster can give some nasty bites.

Maybe most of all I felt jealous of people who didn’t feel jealous.

They seemed to possess a secret—-and of course, I wanted some for myself.

I would share that secret…if I’d ever found it.

I did discover this:  it’s possible for envy to be toxic, but not terminal.

Finally I figured out  I was too busy wishing for what you had— to  be grateful for what I had.

And while I might want what you  have, you might want what I have.

And sometimes,  I only wanted something just because you have it.

It’s not easy being green.

Maybe this new attitude came with age….  appreciation…. or acceptance.  Or all of those.

Maybe it’s as simple as sharing—it always feels better to give than receive—not just things, but yourself.

Now when I see what you have; instead of feeling a stab of pain, I feel a stab of pleasure.

I want you to have what you want.

Because I have what I want.

I don’t want a piece of your life;  I’d rather make peace with my life.