I’ve only been blogging for 3 weeks, but people have already asked how I come up with subjects every day. Ask me again in a year or two—so far it’s been a piece of cake. This is the second morning in a row that I had an idea for that day’s post within 5 minutes of waking up. Yesterday it was when I got the e-card from H. Today I had the subject for this post even before I got out of bed.
V and I are polar opposites in most ways—one of them being that our body clocks are set on different time zones. Although we live in the Pacific Time zone, V is roughly on Eastern time, while I am closer to Hawaii. Or maybe even Tahiti. Many days we are ships passing in the night. Literally. There have actually been times that I have crawled into bed just about the same time V is getting out of it.
Since I no longer keep school hours for the kids, V has usually gotten up, made coffee, eaten breakfast, read the paper, done the crossword and taken a shower by the time I get up. Now he’s added a new item to his morning routine: reading my blog which I write and post late the night before.
V has allowed me to freely share our life, and he’s also been incredibly supportive about this blog. At least so far. Today I was just waking up when he came in, wanting to discuss my newest post. it was the one about H, my ex-husband, called “Personal Best.”
When I wrote it yesterday, I thought of it as a salute to H and our relationship, which is so comfortable that he could congratulate me on my anniversary to V. V is not judgmental and rarely criticizes anything I write. But he definitely had a bone to pick with me about this blog.
You might accurately predict that most husbands would not be thrilled to have their wife publicly singing the praises of an ex-husband. V’s problem with my blog was not my praise of H. His problem was that I included something negative.
He meant my comment about Daniel taking a shower. V recommended that I remove this line, since H could interpret this as me being critical. (Moi? Critical?? ) V felt this one little detail could possibly spoil the good feeling that H could enjoy when he read the blog.
I was trying to communicate something small and petty that illustrates the type of arguments exes can have. Daniel was maybe 8 or 9. On visits to his dad in Los Angeles, he would call me to say goodnight, sounding exhausted, telling me that Dad was making him take a shower before going to bed. I’d get H on the phone and complain: what was the necessity for pristine cleanliness? The poor kid was ready to collapse, and needed sleep far more than a shower. By the way, I never did convince H to let up on the showers. Nor did it traumatize Daniel–who managed to grow up with a normal healthy attitude towards personal hygiene.
Today when V tried to protect H’s feelings in advance, I was not surprised in the least. Because this is completely consistent with V’s behavior and attitude during our entire marriage. He has been beyond civil to H–and vice versa. They’ve even bonded at times—about golf, about sports, or dissing me. When I might have issues or complain about H, V would defend him. He was supportive and respectful of the kids’ relationship with their dad, and would urge me to be easier on H, not only in conversation but in my heart.
This morning, I thought about V’s point, and I considered taking out the line about the shower. And I decided that this blog needs to reflect me—for better or worse. So I left it in — despite V’s efforts to urge me to be more generous towards my ex-husband. But that is V–and another example of how life–or even a blog– can bring out someone’s personal best.