I’m ecstatic to report that V and I broke the anniversary curse–in fact, we’ve done a complete reversal. This time we chose a GOOD luck date–and I got the best possible anniversary gift–a clean PET scan. The perfect way to enter our 15th year of marriage. As I mentioned in my last blog, my first marriage lasted 14 years. So I am entering new marital territory–aiming to reach my “personal best.”
When I woke up yesterday, the morning of V’s and my anniversary, I already had an e-card waiting for me from someone who had read that last blog. Here’s what the card says:
“Happy Anniversary, and best wishes for a long, healthy and happy marriage– and a new ‘personal best’.” And it was signed from H. My first husband.
In the 16 years since we separated, H and I have each experienced the highs and lows of life–many of those times shared by necessity because we share our two children. Since day one of our lives apart, we’ve tried to put aside our own emotions and grievances in order to be good parents. Despite living 300 miles apart, we’ve shared parenting fairly well. But there are also things we didn’t share so well. We’ve sometimes hurt each other and along the way we’ve sometimes hurt our kids. We’ve argued about logistics and money and why H insisted that Daniel take a shower every night before bed even when he was exhausted.
Our lowest point as exes came less than two years ago. Since the kids were older, I was sure we’d continue moving farther apart permanently.
In the same way that a crisis can take people who are close and push them farther apart—it can also work the opposite way. In our case, a crisis took people who were far apart and brought them closer together.
So H and I started moving towards the middle again. Maybe we’re older. Maybe we appreciate having someone to remember our shared history. Maybe we’re both really proud of how our joint project turned out (the two kids). Maybe we’ve both learned that life is too short to carry so much baggage. Even the airlines are charging for baggage these days—why should we all carry ours and also pay for it?
H loves nothing more than a good bargain. And so do I. Without ever discussing it, I think we’ve each made an individual decision to stop paying and carry less baggage.
It’s a lot easier this way. And a lot better.
And I’m feeling better all around. With a great PET scan and a great anniversary date and a great husband, I have complete confidence that in my marriage to V, I will reach my “personal best”. And for demonstrating character and class, I have to honor H— by sending me that anniversary card, he proved that he has reached his own personal best.