According to reliable blogging statistics, if you are old enough to need reading glasses, you probably are not reading many blogs. Assuming that includes most people reading my new blog, I was planning to write a little guide to help everyone get the most from the experience. Which is the blind leading the blind– so last night I thought I’d better do a little research. And now I know for sure the universe supports my new venture because within 5 minutes the universe sent me a sign–via blog.
I learned that there is a popular website called BlogHer which was having its annual event, drawing hundreds of women bloggers to San Francisco. It was pure luck that I stumbled across this item at all. Far more incredible is that the 3-day conference was taking place only two hours away, and was beginning exactly at the time I happened to be reading about it. Clearly meaning I am fated….destined to blog. The timing–the proximity—the opportunity—the serendipity of it all….how could I pass it up? I booked a room and told V and Daniel that I was leaving the next day.
But this morning I woke up and learned that Daniel had a headache, which actually began shortly after he organized the refrigerator. I don’t think those things are connected –although they would be if it had been me doing the refrigerator. Daniel rarely complains, and was about to leave for work– but he looked pale and uncomfortable. A long-lasting headache worries me. I told him to call in sick and go back to sleep. The fact that he listened to me, and did this, only added to my concern. And suddenly I couldn’t stop myself from spiralling downward into the depths of something that has plagued me since I first had children– manic mommy mode.
If you have even a touch of this syndrome or any Jewish heritage, you might know what I mean. One minute you’re eating breakfast and the next minute you’re a storyline on Grey’s Anatomy. Immediately the mind springs into action, imagining what you would do if the thing you fear most actually happened. I would never articulate today’s biggest worry but I will say that it caused me to think about a mental list of neurologists and where are the best ones across the country and how can I find out who is treating Teddy Kennedy.
Which points to my philosophy that nothing is too sacred to joke about. In fact humor has been the best thing to get me through the worst times. There are exceptions– I can’t see anything funny about real trouble involving children of any age. But as I write this I still have a sense of humor because Daniel is still asleep with his headache. And so far I have managed to avoid behaving like a drama queen. (OK, so I did go upstairs to peek at him sleeping, like I would peek in his crib to make sure he was breathing.)
What’s more significant is what I have not done–which is leave for San Francisco. Once I am into manic mommy mode, I am wearing blinders. No matter what signs in the universe are pointing to whatever is waiting in San Francisco, I am staying right here waiting for Daniel to wake up.
Fortunately I have these episodes very infrequently these days. Daniel got up smiling, opened our spanking clean refrigerator, and made himself a smoothie. I was relieved to see that he seems normal. And as he walked out the back door, I was thinking that maybe the old Daniel is really back. Because he left me to wash the blender—-and head for San Francisco.