My 25-year-old daughter lives far away—and we’re very close. But she isn’t like some of my friend’s daughters who call their mothers just to chat every day. My daughter can go days without calling me. Even weeks at times.
When she does call, she often does it very early in the morning. Like she did a couple days ago. Of course she knows my habits so she knew I’d be asleep. I reach for the phone without opening my eyes.
I hear what every mother wants to hear on the other end: the voice of her adored child.
“YEEEEEOOOOOOWW!!!!!! HEELLLLLLPPPP!!!! OOOOHHHH MY GOD!!!!!”
“Bloodcurdling” doesn’t begin to describe it. No teen scream queen could come close.
A mother’s heart rate should automatically leap from zero to panic. I should be wondering how fast I could get on a plane for El Paso. But I don’t move. I keep my eyes shut. I burrow deeper into the covers and wait.
My mothering instincts kick in from a dead sleep. I know my daughter’s voice and I can identify this particular scream. I wait for the panting to stop. I start laughing.
“MOM!!!! IT’S HUGE!!!!! AT LEAST 3 INCHES LONG!!! AND IT’S IN MY CLOSET!!!!!!! WHAT DO I DO??????!!!!”
Alli moved out at 18 and has been completely self-supporting ever since. She’s capable, not clingy; fiercely independent, she never asks for help. She ran a business by age 20. While her husband was in Iraq for 15 months, she lived alone; moving twice across the country, packing and towing a U-Haul trailer by herself. She can fix a leaky faucet. She knows what’s under the hood of a car. She once lived with a roommate who allowed his pet rat to roam freely around the apartment.
But the pluck stops here.
A Drama Queen meets an insect—and all bets are off. I talk her through this crisis. I tell her what I would do—aim the heaviest book in the house, and stomp on it—which she does while I listen from California. And afterwards, we share giggly hysteria over our hysteria.
Call me crazy—but I’d be happy with a wake-up call like this every day.
amyz5 says
girls and bugs! in el paso you would think she would be used to that sort of thing.
funny how a mother can discern between a shriek of drama and one of danger. sweet post and I love your daughter already!
Darryle Pollack says
Thanks, maybe someday we’ll get to meet each other’s daughters—and meet each other!
BTW, Alli claims the bugs in Texas are Guiness Book-worthy. Another reason she can’t wait to get back to California.
Mark Geduldig-Yatrofsky says
Now, Darryle, you must recall that in Florida, Palmetto bugs, those cockroaches on steroids, were tied with mosquitoes for the title of state bird. These “whachamacallems” in Texas have some stiff competition from other parts of the US.
Darryle Pollack says
As if I could forget those Palmetto bugs. UGH. That’s how I got so proficient tossing heavy books—and they were also a pretty good reason to leave Florida permanently.
minnie stumph says
I would love these bugs for my 7 year old grandson Daniel.(yes he is the twin to the 7 year old granddaughter) The reason being, he loves these things and he collects like, EVERYTHING, I mean he is so obsessed with collecting that it has led his father to conduct research on Daniel’s obsession. The results were being confined and not having your own space, tends to make a child collect everything. So what you said about you needing them in confined spaces, I can relate to, from my experiences with Daniel. Daniel, his four siblings, and his parents just moved out of my house, they were crammed into a very confined space for two years, which has resulted in Daniel’s obsession. I am a bad pack rat, but Daniel has me beat because when I Freecycle something to others in need he tries to intercept it to keep it here! I spend a lot of time explaining to him about passing things on to others that we no longer need.