We all know couples like this. My sister met her husband when they were 15; a cheerleader who dated the captain of the football team. They never looked back, married right after college, and lived happily ever after, ever since.
Or my in- laws. They also met in high school; married at 19. Today is their 63rd anniversary.
So it somehow seems perfect— and perfectly ironic— that today I’m writing about the latest book (which I received free of charge) on my online book club, From Left to Write.
If you have one of those long- term stable marriages with your soul mate, I don’t want to hear about it you might not identify with this book.
Most of us however, have less than perfect unions.
Like people who fantasize about old flames; who lament over lost loves; who cyber-stalk former boyfriends/girlfriends after a fight when they can’t figure out how they ended up married to someone they don’t understand.
Or just the people who wonder: what ever happened to…..?
If any of the above sounds familiar, this book might strike close to home.
I don’t want to spoil it, but this wondering—or wandering ( mentally) ends up bringing long-lost lovers face to face. And I don’t mean Facebook.
Many people would relate to the story of a wife in a long marriage who has never stopped thinking about a long-ago love affair.
What happens in the book is fiction—the stuff that never happened. But it does happen, all the time, at any time—-in real life.
Sometimes it can be hard NOT to wonder about your own life when you hear about couples who come together after a lifetime spent apart—or couples who come apart after a lifetime spent together.
Emotions are powerful forces; feelings can linger forever; or be reawakened by a divorce or a death or a disagreement or a dance at a high school reunion.
Or just the fact that Google is such an easy solution to a restless soul.
People are constantly changing—and so are relationships. Sorting out feelings surrounding past and present loves is……complicated.
Life—and love—are messy— loose ends aren’t always tied up neatly, or resolved at all. Even when it’s over, it’s not always over—– leaving a lifetime to wonder….who….why…. what if….
Maddie Dawson says
Darryle, what a lovely post! You really hit it just right with the different kinds of emotions and relationships. Loose ends definitely don’t get tied up neatly all the time, and there are always the what-ifs.
Thanks for reading and for posting this review!
Sharon says
I don’t ever think about what could have been if I stay in a different relationship. That’s why I got out of them, they were over. But if my marriage broke up, that would be a different story.
Darryle Pollack says
Maddie, thanks so much for commenting–and best of luck with the book—I’ve seen some reviews beyond our book club, and sounds as if you’ve gotten a great start. I really think it will strike a chord with many people.
Darryle Pollack says
I’m not neat in any area of life and I guess that’s also true of my relationships. Mine haven’t always ended with a completely clean break.
It’s not easy to wipe out feelings—even when they’re over, often we’ve stayed in touch —or resumed contact years down the road.
Plus so much of life is timing; and sometimes it’s not the wrong person but the right person at the wrong time. Even in a good marriage, I think there can be room for wondering… love is complicated, and so are we.
I”m not suggesting anyone who is married should resume dating an old lover —but there could be a place for that person in your life as a friend.(assuming your husband is also okay with that.) Just one example, my ex-husband –though our marriage is long over, our friendship is very much alive.
Emily says
I learned a lesson once when an old flame friended me on FB. After one night of titillating emails I realized how quickly one can fall back into a time when one was young, beautiful, sexy, and for me, not sick. I realized it was wrong and I told him so. It took him a while to get the hint but he finally stopped trying. I will NEVER play with that fire again.
Richard says
Well, if this doesn’t coax every old boyfriend out of the woodwork … those not already out, that is … nothing will.
jessica says
I don’t have a “what if’. I just had a “what the fuck” and I dumped his ass 6 years ago
Darryle Pollack says
You had me at the titillating emails—kind of a clue that your wandering has entered dangerous territory. Fortunately for me–and my husband—at this point, even if I got a titillating email, I don’t think I’d even remember how to flirt back.
Good that you didn’t stick around long enough to get burned.
Darryle Pollack says
Ha ha–officially my favorite comment of the year.
Darryle Pollack says
YOu’re hilarious. Must be at least one “what if” among the guys you DIDN”T marry. Considering you’re currently in the dating pool, maybe you’ll have some “what-=ifs” in your future.