Chef. Chauffeur. Cheerleader.
Teacher. Therapist. Torturer.
Stylist. Security guard. Slave.
Incubator. Influencer. Indulger.
Milk dispenser. Memory keeper. Micro-manager.
Handholder. Historian. Hysteric.
Motherhood is a magical mixture— no wonder I’m mixed up about what to say for Mother’s Day.
I could write about the picture of my mom that I posted on my Facebook profile. How I try to find clues in her eyes telling me more about who she was. How I’ve wished for signs from her since she died at 41. How I miss her more the older I get.
And there’s the picture my son posted on his Facebook profile—with a sweet caption that made my day even before Mother’s Day arrived.
I could mention my most memorable Mother’s Day—even before I was a mother myself.
I could brag blog about my two children….and why I’m the luckiest mom in the world…..
even though this year I’ll be alone on Mother’s Day— except for the chocolate that better might arrive…..
I could write about mothers in a broader perspective—how we can help mothers in other countries who are in so much need.
Or honor all those “other” mothers who make up the villages that it takes to raise children.
A popular topic is what to give on Mother’s Day—and bloggers gets lot of pitches from sponsors with suggestions. So if you’re tired of chocolate, send it to me maybe you should consider something “out of the box.” (hilarious but don’t watch if you’re easily offended.)
Oy. Such mixed feelings for one day, much less one post.
So instead of looking for signs in my mother’s eyes, I think she’d want me to look in my own eyes and what I see in the eyes of my children, the grandchildren she never knew….she’d want me to know that our mothers are inside us– whether they’re with us or not. Mothers play many roles but the meaning isn’t mixed up, it’s clear: Motherhood is love—the best gift we get, the best gift we give.
Happy Mother’s Day to all mixed- up and magical mothers….with love .
V says
D/
As I sit here in my little nest in Fort Mitchell, Kentucky ( missing you terribly and feeling guilty that I didn’t send you chocolates ), it turns out that you are the one giving gifts. I was really moved by your post this morning. I have seen how much your mother meant to you as the nurturing buffer to a loving, but stern, father. I have also seen the huge hole it created when she died so young.
The picture you chose of you and your mom is so classically unselfconscious on your part. Your mother looks beautiful and strong and you look needy and sad, almost a portent to her not being there when you could have used her love and guidance the most.
As you gave your alliterative list of all the things a mother is, I was struck by how perfectly you have always seemed to know which of those things you needed to be, at any given time, for Alli and Daniel . Almost everything I know about how to be a parent has come from you.
I am sorry I can’t be there to be your humble servant on Mother’s Day, but your attending each of your kid’s college graduations in the next two weeks should be the best Mother’s Day present of all.
Love,
V/
Darryle Pollack says
I do miss the breakfast in bed but aren’t you’re my humble servant every day, anyway?
And your comment is so beautiful and thoughtful, it’s sweeter than any chocolate—makes up for not having any real chocolate….almost.
marlawentner says
D & V:
Both of your posts made me cry. Which is not a bad thing! I think the best mom’s day gift I get every year is knowing that against all odds, I was allowed to be a mother and experience joys untold (and a little pain, n ow and then). Happy Mother’s Day.
Donna Englander Fleishman says
Dear Darryle, if I hadn’t left a birthday note for Eileen, I would never have seen your comment…and I would not have found your fabulous blog. Your tribute to your mom is so moving; I am blessed that I still have my mom (she is 85). I want you to know that whatever your mom shared with you in her short life, made you an incredible young woman when I knew you in Miami Beach and, it appears, made you a loving mom and superb sharer of tales as an adult. I wish you many happy Mothers Days. And you have just found a new reader for your blog. With great memories, Donna
Darryle Pollack says
Marla, that’s so sweet— V, although not Jewish, is definitely a mensch. And I feel exactly the way you do—especially knowing I didn’t even want to become a mom or plan on it—had no idea this would be the greatest gift of my life, too. Thanks so much for your comment, and Happy Mother’s Day to you!!
Darryle Pollack says
Donna, what a fabulous surprise to hear from you! Thank you Facebook. I always feel envious of the kids growing up now who won’t lose touch with each other—but feel lucky that our generation has it in time to reconnect with people who were so much part of our lives. So thanks so much for reading and reaching out—I’m so glad you did! Happy Mother’s Day.