Things were so different when I grew up.
I never thought I’d be the type to say this line—but Life was so much simpler.
With few exceptions, Dad was the bread-winner and Mom was the bread-baker. Possibly they weren’t good at their roles, but at least they knew what they were supposed to be doing.
And then it all got confusing– before I even got out of college.
I’ve felt whiplash between work and home most of my adult life.
And it’s not only me.
From the Yale women at a conference I attended a few months ago—to a new TV show for women trying to reinvent themselves that I guested on a few days ago— women are still struggling with the work/life balance.
On the other hand, men are more hands-on. Dads step up to pick up the slack at home. That’s the good news.
Now for the bad news: all this change is not only confusing. According to recent studies, it’s made Dads as stressed out as Moms– sometimes even moreso.
I guess the good news is that it’s something couples can commiserate about.
So men: welcome to our world.
And Happy Father’s Day.
The NYT article states that “Women remain psychologically responsible (for the family), and that’s a burden,” The inverse is also true. Men remain psychologically responsible for winning the bread. This responsibility makes the man’s “burden” similar to that of the woman’s. I will argue (without data) that in this time of massive unemployment men suffer psychologically much more than women even though the financial hardship affects them both. And, always remember the oft noted (by women) fragile nature of our male egos. You are right, there was a simpler time when the roles of our mom’s and dad’s were clearly defined. Yet, who wants to go back to that.
I watched my own parents marriage crumble after 30 years. The little job my mother had taken that gave her something to do, and a little of her own money, blossomed into a full-blown career. He wasn’t equipped for a wife with a mink checkbook and pink car she had earned on her own.
Traditional roles are no longer the answer – or in most cases even an option – but, they sure were less confusing. Just who pays for what can be enough to turn a couple prematurely gray. Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads.
You’re absolutely right. Though I think no one will want to go back to “The Way we Were”, I think all the change has enormous emotional impact for both sexes and we’re just seeing the tip of the iceberg of all the issues for men. The fragile economy combined with their fragile egos makes this a rough time for many men. Not easy on earth right now whether you’re from Mars or from Venus.
I’m sure one of the hardest parts of this whole upheaval has been what you describe—traditional men threatened by once-traditional women taking on what was once exclusively male work. I’m always astounded and encouraged when I see how much that’s been absorbed into the culture for younger couples who don’t have any experience of memories of how things used to be. So many things are just assumed now –that women will work and men will do childcare.
I think for those caught between these shifts in society, the change seemed so sudden and unthinkable. And speaking of all the confusion in who pays for what—here’s the main question I have about your comment—-a mink checkbook?????