Until recently, I had no idea Grandparent’s Day was a national holiday since 1978, when Jimmy Carter made it official.
I think it’s a great idea. And I’d be celebrating if I had something to celebrate. I’m not a grandmother. (For my views on that subject, click here to read: Grandma Envy.) I joke about it but I’m not really envious (yet) of people who ARE grandparents. I’m envious of people who HAVE grandparents.
Because my kids don’t. All they have are pictures—like these with my dad—and maybe a few fuzzy mental pictures and memories of the two grandfathers they had just for a few years. My children never had a grandmother at all.
I don’t need to elaborate on how this bothered me, that my kids didn’t get to experience that special love through their childhoods. I already felt sorry—and guilty—about my kids having divorced parents and a mother with cancer and a father who lived in another city—having no grandparents was just another thing added to my list.
Every year on the day before Thanksgiving vacation, Daniel’s school celebrated their version of Grandparents’ day, when kids would bring their grandparents into school. In his Episcopal school, Daniel was already the only Jewish kid in his class; now he would also be the only kid without any grandparents—just another way he’d feel “different. I couldn’t stand the thought of my kids suffering; so on Grandparent’s Day, I often didn’t send him to school.
This is starting to sound a little familiar; related to Emotional Education. I didn’t cry over Grandparent’s Day but I’ve evolved. Although I still wish my kids had the gift of grandparents, I’ve learned that children can grow up just fine, becoming full and complete and wonderful human beings—despite and sometimes even because of being different—-and despite suffering through divorce or distance or disease— or having no grandparents.
If you or your child has a grandparent, or you’re a grandparent yourself, then I hope you’re celebrating today, even just with a phone call—to treasure that special relationship, and remember how lucky you are.
Myra and I grew up with no grandparents and it wasn’t that huge of a deal. But it might have been harder if our school had Grandparents Day and we were forced to go….
My children experienced that loss in their lives too. Going back a generation… I was blessed with 4 Grandparents until I was seven. My Grandfather, Herman Barnett, was one of my best friends. He died shortly after my 25th birthday.I remember taking his birthday gift (a dollar for every year) and buying myself a beautiful blue dress with a swirly skirt. I wore it to his funeral and got lots of glares from the “dressed only in black” mourners. I didn’t care because I knew Grandpa would be smiling down from heaven…pleased that I had worn his gift.
Ruthie–I think sometimes things are not a big a deal unless you really know and appreciate what you’re missing. Plus of course everyone with grandparents doesn’t have the kind of relationship that Deb, you were blessed to have with your grandfather.
I think I felt cheated on behalf of my kids for a couple reasons—my mom always said she wanted to be a young grandmother so I felt she missed out…And knowing the kind of mother she was, I knew she would have been an amazing and involved grandmother—the kind I always wished I had myself.
I’m always learning from your articles…they’re always “food for thought”
thanks!
Julia