Darryle Pollack

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at a loss

I’m at a loss —for words and so much more.

There’s never been such a long gap on my blog; and there’s never been such a huge hole in my heart—- due to losing Howard, my ex-husband, father of my 2 children, in many ways my closest friend in the world— who died two days ago after a grueling and heroic struggle against cancer.

I don’t have the heart, the will, or the words— to write.

So  I’m just going to link to words I’ve already written about our unique relationship–from the beginning to the middle to the end. 

And here’s a link to  some sweet words written about Howard today by my nephew Max, who also took this shot of Howard a couple years ago.

 

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  1. Oh Darryle. I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ll say a prayer of comfort for all of you. How lucky you have been to have such a fantastic relationship. xo

  2. I am very sorry to hear about your loss. How sad for your family. I was worried about you in that I was looking for your blog. Will keep you and yours in prayer.

  4. I’m a long time reader of your blog and have been concerned over your absence. My heart goes out to you and your children. How blessed you’ve all been by having this relationship. hugs

  5. Oh, dear friend! I am saddened by the news that this time has come. I think of all of you so often and I know that this loss is painful for each of you. Your compassion for and support of Howard over all these years is clearly a demonstration of the tremendous love and strength inside of you. You are and have been a great wife, mother, former wife and model of exemplary character and I admire and respect you for all that you’ve shown us.
    Give yourself, the kids and V. a great big hug from us and know that all of you are in thoughts and prayers.
    Love you!

  7. I am so sorry for your loss, and my condolences go out to your children, and to Howard’s wife.

  8. Please accept my sincere condolences to you, V., your children, and Howard’s loving partner. I really loved reading the “uncle” blog, as it made Howard come alive to me. Now I won’t enter Costco without thinking of him…..and he is right about the soda stream. Take care of yourself and your family during this difficult time. My thoughts are with you.

  9. It’s news fitting to this cold, gray day. My sympathies. I’ll go back through those old posts you cited and try to catch glimpses of this wonderful person.

  12. I am so sorry, Darryle. I too was worried after you posted the blog about Howard, his struggle, and your amazing family . My loving thoughts are with you, V., and your two wonderful children.

  13. Darryle, thinking of you and Daniel and Ali. So sorry for your loss and please know I am here for you just as you were for me years ago. Sending my love and prayers for you and the whole family.

  14. Darryle, I can feel the heaviness of your heart and reflexively, my heart wants to bear some of that weight for you. If there is any comfort at a time like this it is that love is all around you and for you. As much love and support you have given others, you are the center of it now. I wish you and your family serenity and comfort in that while Howard’s prolonged suffering is over now, even in this time of overwhelming sadness, that you are not alone.
    Michael

  17. What a joy that you shared so many happy memories with Howard. My love and prayers go out to yu, Ali, Daniel and V.
    Love you, Darryle

  18. We never fully understand God’s plans for us. Nor can we rationalize the outcomes of certain situations. I’ll never forget the years I shared with Howard and the love we found together.
    Howard called me his special Angel. He often would look into my eyes and ask, “Who sent you”? I would answer, “I think God sent me”. Little did I know then, that I would come to realize, that God had blessed me to be a blessing for Howard for the last years of his life.
    We met purely by accident (He in Encino and I from Newport Beach. How random is that?) and we immediately connected. Howard called me his soul mate from the beginning of this four plus year journey. We had no idea what was ahead of us. We shared so many happy and exciting times during most of our time together, in spite of his various treatment cycles. We loved and laughed…and enjoyed each precious moment. He embraced our life together with tremendous love and devotion.
    As we approached the fifth year of our relationship, my love for him gave me the strength to endure the challenges we faced…always keeping a positive outlook, hoping and searching for a cure. But, it was not meant to be.
    I may have extended his life, but more importantly, I believe I extended his happiness.
    I was blessed…when I met Howard.

  19. My heart is breaking to day for you, Daniel, Ali and your whole family. I wish you peace and healing in this difficult time, and I wish you strength and courage as you face the future without your beloved Howard.

  20. I am so sorry to hear of your loss…my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family today..I know that you all had a very special relationship and the memories will keep you warm. Take care of your family and I mean Dina too. This is not, at all, an easy time for any of you.
    Love,
    Gail

  21. Darryle-

    I have always admired the relationship that you and Howard were able to create and maintain. My thoughts are with you, Ali, Daniel and V as you mourn the loss of Howard.

    Stay strong.

    Elisa

  29. Darryle,
    I am so saddened to hear about your ex-husband’s loss. Please know that all of us at the American Cancer Society are thinking about you and wishing you peace and comfort during this extremely challenging time. Don’t hesitate to reach out if there is any support we can provide. Thank you for all you do to fight back against cancer so that one day, no one will have to go through what you and Howard and your families have experienced. Here’s to never stop fighting until we find cures. xoxo

  31. Darryle, you and the children are in my thoughts, too. I have warm memories of you and Howard coming to conferences together to talk about Daniel.

  33. Darryle, Alli, & Daniel: I have missed your blog tremendously and just today I made a special effort to find out what was “up” with you. Like most of your readers, I felt that I knew Howard and am deeply saddened by your loss. Judging from the many messages above that have been expressed with such deep love and admiration for your special relationsip with Howard, I know that you must feel comforted knowing that he will be deeply missed..

  34. Darryle, I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t have much to add to those conventional words. There aren’t many greater losses than the father to your children.

  35. Darryle,
    I’m so sorry for the sad loss of your Howard, which I just learned of when reading your blog of 1/20–quite belatedly. I know how fortunate Ali and Daniel are to have such a wise and caring mother, you, (and the strong support system you seem to have built and nurtured in your life) with them while experiencing such a significant loss. And I hope that you can draw comfort now from the love of all of those who care for you and from the beautiful memories of your shared times.

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