One thing I thought I learned as I got older is not to revisit decisions I already made. If I ever calculated the time I spent rethinking past decisions, it would add up to more time than I spent doing the things I made decisions about.
But sometimes I can’t help it—-like last weekend. Possibly I was the only woman at the Yale conference without an advanced degree—(lots of women have several; and could easily spare an extra one for me.) There are no good reasons for this. I didn’t need one for any career I thought about—-and I never considered an academic career. Never would I have described myself as a scholar, and I hadn’t developed a real passion for any academic area.
There was one college course that lit me up—a seminar in my last semester. I devoured every word of every book; loved every minute of every discussion. The subject matter even dovetailed with my particular area of interest in my major—-(which my advisor told me was “lightweight” when I chose to write about “a woman’s topic” for my senior essay in History.)
It was the dawn of feminism and coeducation was barely a year old. That seminar—called “Women in a Male Society” —reflected so much about life at Yale and life in the real world I was about to enter. It was possibly the first course ever taught at Yale that would qualify as Women’s Studies-–an academic area that did not even exist. If only I had a crystal ball.
I wasn’t bold enough to think of creating my own major— and I didn’t even have any dim awareness that there would ever be such a thing. So graduation was my last official participation in the world of academia.
End of story…… end of the road—- until last weekend when I added this to the list of Careers- I- might- have-had.
I have no regrets—-in choosing the road less traveled— compared to my very accomplished classmates. I’ve been far from a campus but I feel very lucky that I soon discovered other exciting paths to pursue and other things I love to do. Plus of course it’s never too late……..
A very thoughtful piece. You’re pretty impressive. That impossibly perfect goal, to live a life with zero regrets may be forever illusive but it should always remain a goal. It took awhile to learn that there is more than just one road less traveled by that can make all the difference. That knowledge comes with a few years, a few bumps in the roads chosen, an open mind and an open heart. The urge to look back with the occasional regret will inevitably rear its head from time to time but it can be dealt with more easily by looking, instead, toward the next bright light ahead.
And what would you say if you had gotten your advanced degree, but missed out on other aspects of your life that you cherish? We can’t live our lives looking in the rear view mirror.
Besides, you’re smart enough and young enough to pick up the pursuit of anything you think you may have missed. Just don’t quit blogging!
What if? The bane of all refection! Decisions are made at times when they seem the right/best thing to do and we go on. Usually, to do what we are supposed to do. I have two or three decisions that I re-visit sometimes, but I focus on all that I have lived and done, and what more there is for me with the degrees and skills I have right now. BTW, I am considering finishing my Masters online so I could teach college, but teaching at a private school or some cool new Career School could be just as fulfilling.
Thanks for the post DP.
There’s a reason that the windshield is so much bigger than the rearview mirror! Lots of living ahead…keep looking forward!
Enjoy the journey.
Good advice. If there is anyone at this point who has zero regrets–other than the Dalai Lama, I don’t want to know about it. I’ll keep aiming at zero and be happy as close as I can get.
Absolutely –although I don’t regret anything—I want to do everything.
BTW having too much fun blogging to quit ….at least not till I enroll someplace to get that advanced degree. LOL
Thank YOU–and good for you–I think teaching will be wonderfully fulfilling. Someone else emailed me about getting an advanced degree online. For me despite my whining ….right now it’s not about having a degree but having knowledge and doing something with it. Like you are. Congratulations.
Love that –might need to stick that slogan on my mirror—or tattoo it on my; forehead. Thank u.
That I’ve learned—the journey is really all that matters..
Thank u!
In reading your blog this morning, I have got to ask you, “Why not?” If you have always wanted an advanced degree and especially an advanced degree from Yale, why don’t you get one? I too have always wanted an advanced degree, and this week have finished my preparatory class work for a distance Masters program in the fall. I will only need to visit the campus for a few days each semester.
I bet you could even design your own advanced, distance degree with Yale’s blessing. You should investigate. You’re young (still), beautiful and this would open your horizons to even more amazing things and people. Plus, you have so much more left to contribute and your advanced degree might provide a platform for your legacy. Everyone should make their “bucket list” happen if it is at all possible. Life is a banquet- go feast!