Darryle Pollack

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You are here: Home / Parenting & Family / Continuing Education

8 Comments

Continuing Education

I’m over the angst.   Both my kids’ educations are ongoing—and I’ve been educated, too.    I’ve learned to go with the flow and not to get all emotional about it.

Did I really say that?

Actually, I did— just a couple days ago, right here.

And I’m about to eat my words.   Or at least take a small bite.

188209~Graduation-Cap-and-Diploma-PostersI feel a tiny bit hypocritical claiming I’m not emotional about my kids’ education.    I did confess to the kindergarten hysteria.   But that wasn’t the last act of the drama.   I really drove my daughter——and myself—crazy over college.    If you don’t know the story, you can read it here.    With an update here. And here.

That last update was earlier this summer, when Alli enrolled at UC Irvine to finally finish her undergraduate degree—- after an odyssey that took her from northern California to Texas and back—attending as many colleges as Sarah Palin—now 7 years after her high school graduation (and more than 7 years taken off my life).

So I wrote this sweet little post .   I could see the diploma at the end of the tunnel.  Finally I could relax, knowing Alli would get a degree from a great institution, the University of California.     Life was good.

For a week.

Until Alli punctured the happy little bubble I was living in.

She’s a great writer, and I wish she would tell this story herself.    But she’s way too busy— working fulltime at her job and going to school fulltime at night.    It’s a punishing schedule only Alli could handle.    Then again Alli has never chosen the easy way to do anything.  And she isn’t about to start now.

So here’s the latest.  A week or so after she starts at UC, she decides she doesn’t like it.   She’s going to give back the money they’re paying her and switch to California State University at Fullerton—to a satellite of the main campus.   She’d rather be around other students  who go to class at night and work during the day—-in other words,  non-traditional students.   She doesn’t care that her new campus has only two buildings rather than the many manicured acres of UC Irvine; she prefers the feeling of a community college.

“Go ahead and shoot me now,” is what I would have said 10 or even 5 years ago.   She would have heard my protests way down in Orange County.

But not this time.  This is the new me—educated and evolved.

I hear her new plan.  I admit, I get a tiny bit emotional—my heart skips a beat.  Or two.   But I don’t scream—and I don’t cry.   And I don’t lecture.   ( OK— I might have briefly mentioned the value of a UC education and its higher academic ranking and how much easier it is with a UC degree to get into graduate school.)

The truth is that we both know that she knows all of that and she  knows what I would think.  And we also both know that she will not do what I think or what I say just because I think it— and maybe even less if I say it.

So I know when to shut up.    And then I do what it took me almost 25 years to learn:  Over the phone as I listen to Alli, I smile—even though she can’t see me.   And I tell Alli that I trust her judgment about what she wants to do and I know she will do what’s best for herself and whatever she chooses to do, I am happy for her and I know she will be successful.

And here’s the best part:  I mean every word I say.

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Comments

  1. Marsha says

    September 14, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    I’m proud of you, D! I know how hard you’ve worked on this and admire your success in “letting go.” I firmly believe our children teach us how to parent them – if we let them. It can be impossibly hard but worth the effort in the long run. I struggle with it every day. Love to all, Marsha

  2. Darryle Pollack says

    September 14, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    This is really encouraging coming from you—especially knowing that even with your Ph.D. in Early Childhood–we all struggle when it comes to our own kids. Thanks for commenting!

  3. Deborah Rothman says

    September 14, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    “I trust your judgment, sweetheart.” So easy to say (though 25 years of practice does help), harder to mean. Our kids DO know their minds, though, and end up making good choices for themselves. So it’s getting easier to unclench my jaw as I repeat “I trust your judgment, sweetheart.”

  4. Darryle Pollack says

    September 14, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    Haha—you took the words out of my mouth. Sure wish I’d learned this lesson sooner—before I got TMJ from clenching my jaw all those years.

  5. Myrna says

    September 14, 2009 at 10:02 pm

    Ohhh….you are so enlightened. I could use a few seminar lessons from you on how to let go. Although mine are still too young to do that, I need to start preparing. Can I come visit?

  6. Darryle Pollack says

    September 15, 2009 at 1:18 am

    You’re already way ahead of the game compared to me. At least you are planning to let go–I didn’t realize I would have to. LOL.

  7. Elizabeth Sheppard says

    September 15, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    I am glad you shared this with us. Letting go is hard. I would have had second thoughts too. But maybe because she is happier she will have more chances of finishing. And with your good attitude, you and she will probably be close no matter what.

  8. Darryle Pollack says

    September 16, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    Thanks, I know you’re an expert on non-traditional students and I so appreciate your encouragement. Alli is planning to finish and go on to graduate work—and though she might not do things like everyone else does, I never doubt her—she always does exactly what she sets out to do.

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